A Hairy Fairy Tale

Part One: The Christening

"My dear," said the King to the Queen one day, "We should start planning Princess Julia's Christening."

"Can't we just skip the whole nasty business?" cried the Queen, drumming her fingers on the arm of the throne, "A Royal Christening is such a frightful affair... what with the wicked old fairy Wart and the risk of her invitation being forgotten."

"Not hold a Christening?" admonished the King, "It simply isn't done. But look on the bright side my love, we were careful the last time and Wart gave the Princess Renny quite a useful gift."

"I don't call the ability to grow prize-winning toadstools a useful gift," stated the Queen, "I am forever finding mushrooms beneath Renny's bed. However, I suppose we have no choice. Start making the arrangements."

And so the Royal address book was consulted and invitations were sent to friends and relatives throughout the land. Naturally the King and Queen were careful to invite the seven fairies of their kingdom, including the wicked old fairy Wart.

But unfortunately, Wart had moved to a larger apartment and had neglected to send out her change-of-address cards. On the morning of the Royal Christening her invitation was returned to the palace marked "Occupant Unknown". Since the King did not wish to worry the Queen, he stuffed the misdirected invitation into his pocket and returned to the party.

The Christening Party was splendid. The guests gathered in the Royal Ballroom where tables of food lined three of the walls. Princess Renny had been put in charge of the refreshments and the guests gorged themselves on hot dogs, macaroni and cheese and pancakes. The Royal musicians played lullabies and nursery rhymes, while the baby Princess was propped up in her cradle brightly watching the festivities.

At 11 o'clock the good fairies were busily presenting their gifts to little Julia.
"She will be kind and good natured," said one.
"She will be able to whistle underwater," said another.
"She will have very good teeth," said a third.

And so it went until ... CRASH ... a very bad-tempered, nasty old fairy burst into the room. It was Wart and she was so angry that her ears were purple!

The good fairies beat a hasty retreat.

"What is the meaning of this!" cried Wart, "Am I too insignificant to be invited to the Royal Christening?"

"Oh no," said the King, in a soothing tone, "We did invite you. Why your invitation is right here in my pocket."

"Not good enough!" shouted Wart. "I'm hopping mad now. Where's the Royal brat? I'll give her a pig's nose. I'll give her chronic indigestion. I'll give her ..."

"Not so fast." The Queen stood firmly in front of the cradle. "We did send you an invitation. I addressed it myself, Number 27 East Bog Terrace. So don't you dare harm a hair on Julia's head."

"I left the East Bog two months ago," snarled the wicked old fairy. "I suppose you think good intentions will get you out of this fix!"

Wart pushed past the Queen and stood over the cradle. "Don't worry," she said, "I won't harm a hair on the Royal Brat. In fact, I'll even improve her hair. Yes indeed. From this time forward the Princess' hair will grow twenty-five feet each day. And let that teach you to update your address book."

Wart then vanished in a cloud of stinky green smoke.

For the next half hour the Christening Party was in an uproar. The King had a panic attack. The Queen had hysterics. Princess Renny ate four bowls of ice cream. And through it all the Princess Julia sat up in the cradle and laughed. Her golden hair had begun to grow at an unnatural rate and it already curled about her shoulders.

Finally Starlight, the smallest fairy in the kingdom, timidly approached the Queen. "I'm just a beginner fairy and I don't know much magic yet," she said. "But I am the only fairy who hasn't presented the Princess with a gift and perhaps I can help to modify Wart's spell."

Starlight put her hand on Princess Julia's head and spoke,

"Knic-knac paddy-wack, give the dog a bone,
Break the spell of the wicked crone."

There was a faint sound like the tinkling of bells and little stars seemed to dance around Julia's head but unfortunately nothing else happened. Julia's hair was now approaching her waist.

"Thank you Starlight," said the Queen. "I suppose a pig's nose would have been worse." She looked meaningfully at the King. "However, there will be no more Royal Christenings for this family."

Part Two: The Consequences

As the years passed, Princess Julia learned to live with her amazing hair. Since it was under a magic spell, the heavy locks never made her tired or bad tempered, they simply kept getting longer. The King and Queen engaged a team of Royal hairdressers who cut Julia's hair every morning and night. And since her hair grew about thirteen inches each hour the Princess also had a quick haircut before playing sports or going horseback riding. Otherwise she would find herself tripping on her tresses.

Before Julia went to bed her hair was cut to shoulder length and she would braid it into two tight pigtails and drape them sideways over the pillow. Each morning eight-foot bunches of hair cascaded onto the floor on either side of the bed. One night Julia forgot to pull her pigtails out from under the covers and she woke up gasping for air as her golden locks filled the bed!

Another difficulty caused by Wart's magic spell was the disposal of all that hair. The King and Queen tried burning it but if you have ever smelled burning hair, you will know why they only tried it once. They had some of it made into wigs and some used for dolls' hair. Finally they arranged to have a local furniture factory pick up the hair each week and use it to stuff sofa cushions.

Julia grew up to be a loving and kind little girl. She enjoyed playing with her sister, her friends and her little terrier dog Breck. She also liked reading, painting, playing soccer and riding her horse. Julia carried a pair of scissors with her at all times in case of hair emergencies. (Ever since the day Princess Renny tied her to a tree by the hair during a game of 'pirates' and forgot about her.)

Her parents had told Julia the story of her Christening and of Starlight's attempt to break the spell. So the Princess was careful to give each dog she met a nice big bone. She always carried a knapsack which contained a bone and her emergency scissors. But alas, no matter how many times she gave "the dog a bone" it never broke the spell. That is until one special afternoon when Julia was ten years old.

Part Three: The Conclusion

Princess Julia was relaxing in her bedroom on that special afternoon. If you have never seen a Princess' bedroom before, try to imagine the most splendid hotel lobby you have ever been in and then picture it four times as big. Now imagine soft, thick carpets underfoot and carved wooden furniture including sofas, tables, bookshelves and a large four-poster bed surrounded by purple velvet curtains. Lovely paintings hang on the walls and crystal, china and gold trinkets and knick-knacks sit on the shelves and tables. And what toys! Royal children have the most terrific toys in the world.

On this particular afternoon, Julia was curled up on a sofa reading the story of Rapunzel to herself. She was thinking about what a stupid story it was. "Why didn't that silly Rapunzel simply cut off her hair, tie it to the bed frame and climb out of the tower herself," Julia thought. Her dog Breck sat beside her on the floor waiting hopefully for his daily walk.

The door opened, and Princess Renny came in. The slim, teenaged Princess was carrying a small black and white kitten in her arms. The kitten was wearing a green collar and seemed very pleased to be stroked.

"I didn't know we had a cat," said Julia.

"We don't," said Renny, "I found her in the ballroom just now. She must belong to one of the servants but she followed me all the way up here. Look she is wearing a collar; perhaps there's a name on it."

But Renny didn't get a chance to look at the collar because just then, the kitten saw Breck. She leapt out of Renny's arms, spitting and yowling and ran straight at the bewildered dog. Breck, who was scared of sharp-clawed kittens, took off around the room with the kitten in hot pursuit. Renny and Julia ran after the kitten who was careening off the walls and furniture in her haste to catch the dog.

In the confusion Renny trod on Julia's hair and she bumped into her desk. A china candlestick fell from the desk right onto the kitten's head. As the candlestick broke the kitten stopped running. Renny picked up the dazed kitten while Julia swept poor frightened Breck up into her arms and carried him back to the sofa. She rummaged through her knapsack and gave him the bone she kept there.

Suddenly there was a faint sound like the tinkling of bells and Julia felt her whole scalp grow warm. She looked at herself in the mirror. Faint stars could be seen swirling around her head and when they disappeared, her hair had stopped growing.

"What happened?" Julia cried, "I've given lots of bones to dogs before and the spell was never broken."

Renny stroked the kitten who had started purring again. She looked at the kitten's collar and laughed. "I didn't get a chance to look before," she said, "But see here, the kitten's name is 'Paddy'! And she was just whacked on the head with the candlestick, a knick-knack! 'Knic-knac paddy-wack, give the dog a bone, Break the spell of the wicked crone!'"

When Princess Julia told her family the joyful news they held a great celebration. Starlight was the guest of honour and all the other good fairies came to congratulate her on her quick thinking. Breck and Paddy were given many bowls of food while they sat upon plump, satin cushions beside the throne and watched the festivities.

But when the wicked fairy Wart heard that her spell had been broken, she was so enraged that she packed up her things and moved to another kingdom in fairyland.